I was part of a conversation that led to several ginormous “Aha!” moments. When I say “I was part of,” what I actually mean is that I was listening to two friends having a conversation. It’s not that I didn’t want to participate, I was just too busy savoring the mental fireworks going off in my head to contribute to the discussion.
Here is an excerpt of what they were saying:
Z: “You seem off today. What’s up?”
A: “Tom is just being a pain in the neck. I took him in out of the goodness of my heart, but he is costing me more money and nerves than I can afford. One of these days he will ruin himself and drag me down with him. He is 56 years old and behaves like a child.”
Z: “Of course he does. That’s just the way he is. He has always been like that. So, ask him to pack his bags and leave.”
A: “He would not survive if I did. He’d end up on the street in no time.”
Z: “Well, if that is something you cannot come to terms with, then let him stay. It’s your decision.”
A: “How is that my decision?”
Z: “How is it not? You can choose to let him stay or ask him to go. It might not look like a choice, but it is. Just like he has a choice to change his behavior or not.”
A: “Like that’s gonna happen. He is just not teachable!”
Z: “What can I say? Allow him to stay and make peace with it. Or ask him to leave and make peace with that. Either way, stop complaining about the choices you make.”
A: “How can I not complain about something like that? It’s just unreasonable!”
Z: “You didn’t complain about your cat who was peeing all over your apartment.”
A: “That’s different. She was sick.”
Z: “You’re right. It is different. Because YOU were different. You accepted that she was incontinent and placed pee pads in every room.”
A: “If I accept him as he is, then I cannot respect him anymore.”
Z: “No, if you don’t respect him, you are not accepting him as he is. Acceptance is what you had for your cat. A cat shouldn’t pee on the carpet, but she did, and you loved and respected her anyway.”
I could have kept listening to them debate who was right and who was wrong. Instead, somewhere along the way, I stopped listening to their conversation and started listening to what it was saying to me. And that’s when the fireworks started.
Here are a few realizations I had:
1. I set the standards by which I deem others to fail. Then I disrespect them for not living up to my expectations.
2. I constantly make choices. I just might not be aware of it all the time.
3. I often see myself as a victim, when in reality, I’m just shying away from taking responsibility for my choices.
4. Sometimes I settle for less and then keep complaining about it.
And apparently, I can do all of that while firmly believing I’m merely observing what’s wrong with everyone else.
Brigitte K. Schneider
aka Ms. Epiphany
Copyright © 2023, Brigitte K. Schneider. If you wish to quote text from this article contact the author by leaving a comment.
