I remember when my coworker gave her notice. For years, the two of us have been working closely together, sharing the same job—she during the day and I in the evenings and on the weekends.
Given the nature of our job, it would have been easy for either one of us to slack off and let the other carry most of the workload or point fingers if a mistake were made. Instead, we had each others’ backs and were eager to create the best possible working environment for one another. We were a well-oiled unit, so much so that some referred to us as Statler and Waldorf (in a loving way!).
When she told me she had accepted another job, I cried so much it gave me headaches and left me emotionally drained. However, something unexpected happened as well.
After each crying spell, I noticed how vulnerable, soft, and surprisingly peaceful I felt despite the sadness. I also began to observe my surroundings with “fresh eyes,” as if I were seeing things for the first time. I experienced everything with a more intense awareness and savored the present moment more than I usually do.
Each time this happened, I carried that feeling with me throughout the rest of the day. Interestingly, being soft and peaceful did not make me easily hurt or overly sensitive. In fact, it allowed me to respond to people and situations with kindness and compassion—even when they lacked kindness themselves. In those moments, it was almost as if I were using an opponent’s momentum against them, as in martial arts. Metaphorically speaking, my softness allowed someone’s harsh behavior to pass right through me without hurting me. This wasn’t my intention; it was merely a side-effect of being in that vulnerable, peaceful state.
Sadly, I could not retain that vulnerability permanently. Certain people or situations still have the ability to “push my buttons.” Whenever this happens, I can literally feel the rising annoyance hardening me and sucking the softness right out of me.
I am always relieved and grateful when my desire to remain peaceful is stronger than any outside turbulence. It is such a wonderful state to be in—so much better than feeling exasperated or impatient. Moreover, letting go of that peaceful feeling only works to my detriment. As strange as it might sound, being vulnerable is incredibly powerful and comes with a gratifyingly sweet taste.
Brigitte K. Schneider
aka Ms. Peace Out – Peace In
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